art

Before I began painting more common elements of surface nature, I made art that many would refer to as 'dark'. Admittedly, perhaps on the surface that is how it appeared but I am of the mind that beneath any given surface lies deeper meaning — things that you cannot see right away. Sometimes you become so consumed with your art, that you forget the eyes outside of it. If one knew the artist's intention behind a piece, things would be clarified; meaning would become clearer and shapes would not look so...misshapen. But art is a mystery. Not so long ago, something happened and it changed things and shook me up pretty badly. While outside, upset under a tree, trying to get a grip and failing, I remembered what I had said in an interview; ''An artist has to break to grow''. You should be careful what you say, because I ate my f/cking words and found them mocking me. The more that I wept, the harder those words laughed at me. So...while in the depths, through trying to mask and avoid, circling the drain of being lost, running from the things which would not let me sleep, eat or think — I tried to paint things which were the opposite of how I felt; simpler things. Meaningful, yes but simple compared to what I commonly painted before all of this happened. It was too much all at once. Spiraling. I tried to gather myself and began painting a fusion of plants, landscapes and glowing shadows. After a while of painting these things, I began to feel a familiar kind of hunger. What I did not realize, through doing this — through repressing things, was that I was restraining myself in painting. I know the foundation of my art. I know what's behind painting. I also know that you cannot run from who you are. How can one fully express themselves if they are locking part of themselves away? What is art, if there is restraint? I think in modern times, it has become rule to put a word on things. Or to be just one thing. Or don a label that encompasses you as a human being. Impossible. In reality, I find that humans are the ''et cetera'' of nature. So, art must remain unbound.