Family_

 

Tis the season. Gobble gobble. Thanksgiving is around the corner and I wanted to take a moment to write about the holidays.

For some people, the holidays are about tons of food and gifts. I'm no Grinch, I think that those things are fantastic. But I know that there are far more important things to be grateful for and mindful of.

At one point, ages ago (and for many even now) the excess was to be indulged by a select few. Those with less (everyone else) had no choice but to find gratitude in the small things, especially during times of hardship. For many, the holidays back then are a far cry from the modern standard; sometimes consisting of no more than mere crumbs and nubs of candlelight to be shared or perhaps for some, tattered shoes and clothes with a small fireplace or stove to warm themselves near for the night. It was the warmth of a stove or an extra serving of a home cooked meal to share around with one another that made light where it was dim.

Despite this, there are endless stories of families near and far throughout history, bonding together, smiling during rough times and taking care of each other, despite not having much, when it mattered most, which I think is the spirit of the holidays: family.

Not so long ago, my grandmother was the center of holiday tradition. My grandmother; a woman who welcomed all and gave what she could of what she had. A woman whose smile could melt a snowman and whose cooking would make him whole again. A woman who never forced you to see things her way but instead would help you find your way. My grandmother and her home were the center of the holidays. Her home filled with the laughter of my two uncles and my aunt (whose voice and laugh and smile would make even the meanest person feel loved), and comforts of coffee, antiquity and a distinct welcoming atmosphere that only holidays at her house could offer.

Family are the people whose very presence gives you hope. They are the people who are not required to give to you but when they do give, it is in the form of compassion and love. The word is thrown around often but to me, family carries a real meaning; it is not just a word.

During the holidays one of the sweetest things to witness are families and in general people doing fun things together or being kind to each other for no reason. It's absolutely heartwarming. Family means something.

Family, true family, don't look to use you, instead they enjoy your company. It aint always rosey but at the heart of things, they are there when it counts. When you have less they come around just as much as when you have more. They make good days even better just by being there. You don't need wrapped gifts because their love is enough. When things are bad, they don't make them worse. They don't regret afterwards but rather they do the right thing the first time, because it is the right thing. They don't smile at you and say things that would hurt you when you're not in earshot. Instead they treat you as they would like to be treated and stand up for you, as you would them. When they look at you, they look at you with care, not like they can't stand you. When you achieve, they root for you, not diminish your accomplishments just to see your smile fade. They don't play mind games. Family is not emotionally abusive. Family is loving. Family does not invade your space but instead shows you basic respect because their love is actually love. Family is not cruel, they are sympathetic and wise (even if some of what they say makes no sense at all lol). Family is sincere and has no want to treat others poorly. Family are those who give, not those who constantly take. Family goes out of their way to do good things, not awful things. They are the ones who show up for you, after all of the times that you've shown up for them. Family are those who do not cause destruction and pain but instead, band together and do the right thing just because. Family cares about things that matter, they are not spiteful, they are kind and inviting. Family are the people who root for you before anyone cares just as you celebrate them. Family does not kick you when you are down, they help you get up, even if they fall down too in the process. They don't make you feel like you're not good enough, they show you that you are enough. Family are the people who understand what love means, they don't just throw the word around because it sounds nice. Family are the people you share your laughs with, in fact you can share anything with them because you know that they'd understand or atleast try to lol. Family are the people who listen just because, laugh with you just because and love just because. Just because they're family.

They are the very people who you smile to yourself about when you think of them and whose love is so evident that you have no doubt or hesitation in trusting them.

Family is not perfect but it is through their imperfections, strength and grace which prove the existence of love. And it's through you, my family, that I am filled with the sort of a warmth that one can only find in people like you. (see photos)

My uncle would give you the shirt off his back, just because. He would befriend you, help you in any way that he could and warm your heart, because that is what kind of a man that he was. He was brave, smart, extremely neat and courageous. I can't even put into words how proud I am to call this man my uncle.

My grandmother would feed anyone and any animal. As she said "They have to eat too". She would grow a flower from a weed and create a feast from little to nothing. But what fed you more than her food, was her laughter. People say that I am like her. Maybe in some ways but no one can be my granny.

My cousin would often talk and lol sometimes we didn't know what the hell he was saying. But we knew that he was saying it with love. His punctuated laugh would show you that. A teddy bear, he would do anything for anyone because that is how big his heart was.

It takes alot to post these photos and share things. I put this together with the intention of writing about what the holidays mean to me. This is what the holidays mean to me. It means family.

Family not pictured in this image but who are just as near and dear to me as those who are pictured: My in-laws, Many cousins, More aunts and uncles on my father's side, Many great aunts and great uncles on both my father and mother's side and images of my other grandparents whose photos I don't want to share because sadly, other than obituaries, I have access to so few photos of them. If I shared those photos, then I wouldn't have anything to privately cherish.

Happy Holidays.